Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Healthy or Unhealthy relationships

by Jefford Secondes

Minsan pakiramdam natin na imposibleng makahanap nang nararapat para sayo -a
nd who thinks you're right for him or her! Kapag nangyari yun, you're usually so psyched. It's totally normal to look lalo na nasa unang stage palang ng relationship. Makulay na makulay ito. But some people, yung mga tipong makulay sa umpisa hindi nila alam na there's a blinders that keep them from seeing that a relationship is not as healthy as it should be.

Ano ba meron sa isang masiglang relasyon?(What Makes a Healthy Relationship?) Hopefully, you and your bf/gf are treating each other well. Not sure if that is the case?. Tingnan nyo kung ang relasyon nyo ay may katangiang tulad nito:

¤Mutual respect (Respeto)- Does he or she get how cool you are and why? (Watch out if the answer to the first part is yes but only because you're acting like someone you're not!) The key is that your BF or GF is into you for who you are — for your great sense of humor, your love of reality TV, etc. Does your partner listen when you say you're not comfortable doing something and then back off right away? Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is and understands — and would never challenge — the other person's boundaries. - Respeto sa relasyon dito nyo makikita kung paano nyo pinapahalagan ang isa't isa mapa desisyon man o anong bagay. Anong pakiramdam kapag hindi ka nirerespeto? diba nakakababa ng self esteem?. so in short kapag may respeto sa isang relasyon it shows how much important you are in a person.

¤ Trust (Tiwala) You're talking with a guy from French class and your boyfriend walks by. Does he completely lose his cool or keep walking because he knows you'd never cheat on him? It's OK to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters. There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other. - Tiwala sa isang tao ay napakahalaga lalo na sa relasyon. Once na masira mo ito at malamatan ng ano mang kataksilan. Naku mahirap na ibalik ang tiwalang nasira. Para itong papel na pinunit mo pero kahit anong gawin mo para mabuo itong papel makikita mo pa rin ung lamat nito. Ganyan sa relasyon. Its not that naman na kapag nakita mo gf/bf mo na may kasama ay di ka na magseselos diba?. Tao lang naman tau, ang plastik mo naman kapag di ka nag selos. Ang pagseselos dapat nasa lugar.

¤Honesty (Katapatan)
- ito ay konektado sa katapatan dahil di ka naman magtitiwala kung hindi tapat sayo ang isang tao. Ito ang pinaka mahirap gawin sa isang
relasyon! bakit ko nasabi un?. Kung sarili mo nga niloloko mo minsan, ibang tao pa kaya?. Nahuli mo naba ang bf/gf mo na nagsinungaling?. Like she told you that she had to work on Friday night but it turned out she was at the movies with her friends? The next time she says she has to work, you'll have a lot more trouble believing her and the trust will be on shaky groun. On this, trust is fading.

¤Support(Suporta) - Hindi lang dapat sa masamang sitwasyon sinusuportahan mo ang partner mo. Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart but can't take being there when things are going right (and vice versa). Sa masiglang relasyon, your significant other is there with a shoulder to cry on or not.

¤Fairness/equality (Pantay dapat).Ito ang pinaka gusto ko at sa tingin ko sa lahat ng naka relasyon ko ay ako lang give ng give. Sa relasyon you need to have give-and-take in your relationship, too. Do you take turns choosing which new movie to see? As a couple, do you hang out with your partner's friends as often as you hang out with yours? It's not like you have to keep a running count and make sure things are exactly even, of course. But you'll know if it isn't a pretty fair balance. Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get his or her way all the time. Pero in the end wala naman dapat sumbatan diba?.

¤Separate identities (pagkaiba).
In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises. But that doesn't mean you should feel like you're losing out on being yourself. When you started going out, you both had your own lives (families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.) and that shouldn't change. Neither of you should
have to pretend to like something you don't, or give up seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you love. And you also should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward.

¤Good communication.
You've probably heard lots of stuff about how men
and women don't seem to speak the same language. We all know how many different meanings the little phrase "no, nothing's wrong" can have, depending on who's saying it! But what's important is to ask if you're not sure what he or she means, and speak honestly and openly so that the miscommunication is avoided in the first place. Never keep a feeling bottled up because you're afraid it's not what your BF or GF wants to hear or because you worry about sounding silly. And if you need some time to think something through before you're ready to talk about it, the right person will give you some space to do that if you ask for it.

What's an Unhealthy Relationship?

A relationship is unhealthy when it involves mean, disrespectful, controlling, or abusive behavior. Some people live in homes with parents who fight a lot or abuse each other — emotionally, verbally, or physically. For some people who have grown up around this kind of behavior it can almost seem normal or OK. It's not! Many of us learn from watching and imitating the people close to us. So someone who has lived around violent or disrespectful behavior may not have learned how to treat others with kindness and respect or how to expect the same treatment. Qualities like kindness and respect are absolute requirements for a healthy relationship. Someone who doesn't yet have this part down may need to work on it with a trained therapist before he or she is ready for a relationship. Meanwhile, even though you might feel bad or feel for someone who's been mistreated, you need to take care of yourself — it's not healthy to stay in a relationship that involves abusive behavior of any kind. Warning Signs When a boyfriend or girlfriend uses verbal insults, mean language, nasty putdowns, gets physical by hitting or slapping, or forces someone into sexual activity, it's an important warning sign of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.

Ask yourself, does my boyfriend or girlfriend:
* get angry when I don't drop everything for him or her? * criticize the way I look or dress, and say I'll never be able to find anyone else who would date me? * keep me from seeing friends or from talking to any other guys or girls? * want me to quit an activity, even though I love it? makasarili ba? * ever raise a hand when angry, like he or she is about to hit me? naku! * try to force me to go further sexually than I want to?

These aren't the only questions you can ask yourself. If you can think of any way in which your boyfriend or girlfriend is trying to control you, make you feel bad about yourself, isolate you from the rest of your world, or — this is a big one — harm you physically or sexually, then it's time to get out, fast. Let a trusted friend or family member know what's going on and make sure you're safe. It can be tempting to make excuses or misinterpret violence, possessiveness, or anger as an expression of love. But even if you know that the person hurting you loves you, it is not healthy. No one deserves to be hit, shoved, or forced into anything he or she doesn't want to do.

Under these two category which do you think your relationship is in? healthy or unhealthy?

Photos from flickr.com

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